No, I can’t. That’s like asking me to stop being so tall. The fact that I can fake normal often leads people to erroneously assume that autism is something I can turn off and on at will. It’s not a light switch, people. I have my good days and my bad days, and I have some techniques for powering through the bad days, but I am always autistic.

Recently I got into an argument with a person fairly  close to me. At one point, she snapped at me, “Please don’t do your autism thing right now. Can you not be autistic about this?” I am honestly not really sure what she meant by that; I was not doing any of the things (fair or otherwise) that people seem to associate with autism. The fact is, however, I am autistic, and some of that is going to be present in everything I do or say. I can’t just stop being autistic temporarily for someone else’s convenience, and if you don’t want to deal with me doing my “autism thing,” maybe go be friends with someone else instead.

I have a friend who actually does ask me to stop being tall every time I go clothes shopping with her. The difference is, she’s joking. She knows that I can’t stop being tall just like she can’t stop being short. Faking normal does not mean that an autistic person stops being autistic; if we’re lucky, we can mimic neurotypical behavior long enough to get by, but that doesn’t change who we are. My friend can wear 4” heels, but she’s still a short person.

On the flip side, blaming every uncomfortable reaction on autism is unfair and a complete cop-out. Yes, sometimes autistic people get upset because there are too many ice cubes in our water or something, but we also get upset over things with which we have a legitimate right to be upset. You can’t just write off my disagreement with you as a manifestation of autism (well, you can, but you shouldn’t). I’m still a human being with opinions on things, and my opinions deserve respect and consideration in the same way as do everyone else’s.

So no, I can’t stop being autistic. I am also fully capable of having opinions and reactions that are legitimate and shouldn’t be discounted simply because of autism. I’m not always right*, but neither are you, and it’s possible to disagree without throwing autism in my face. It can be difficult to distinguish rational anger from an autistic overreaction, but if you love someone with autism, you need to try.

*Just kidding. I am always right.