Written by Patrick Mulick, BCBA, NBCT

I wear many hats. I am a blogger, an inventor, an inspirational and instructional speaker, a former preschool, middle school, and high school teacher, the Autism Coordinator of Auburn School District, a father, a husband, and I am a man who is passionate that we get it right for our students with disabilities. What I am not is a parent of a child on an IEP. However over the years I have been a part of many IEP meetings, and I have learned from the absolute best-other parents- on how to better advocate for your child. With that, I have learned different strategies that parents can use to help reduce their stress levels as the team journeys through the high stakes conversation.

1. At the start of the school year, ask to schedule the IEP meeting a few weeks before it is due. Teachers often work under quite a bit of stress themselves to meet deadlines. Scheduling the meeting a few weeks ahead of the due date will allow for flexibility to reschedule if someone cannot make it at the last minute. This can help avoid any unneeded stress to “get the meeting in.”
2. Establish an agreeable means to connect with your child’s case manager throughout the year about progress. It does not have to be much; short emails or monthly phone calls can help you keep a pulse on your child’s education and can reduce the stress of feeling that the IEP meeting is the only time your voice will be heard.
3. A month ahead of the meeting, call or write the teacher with some of your thoughts going into the IEP. What are your priorities? What challenges do you want to see addressed and what strengths do you want to celebrate? What are your long term hopes for your child? This can help you and the case manager more quickly get on the same page as they develop the first draft of the IEP. This is also a great time to request that particular people who may not ordinarily be there be present at the meeting, such as a particular general education teacher.
4. Request to receive a draft of the IEP at least three days in advance to review. This will allow you to become familiar with what is being proposed, and you will be better equipped to engage in the discussion.
5. Write out notes of what you want to make sure is discussed and bring them with you to the meeting. The conversation can take many bird walks and you may easily forget all of the important topics you wanted to touch on. Share your list of topics with the case manager so they can make sure each one is addressed.  Request that these items are represented in the notes and in the Prior Written Notice.
6. Know that it is ok to be unsure of what you want. Come to the meeting ready to be open about where you are indecisive, and trust that this team (which includes you!) will make the right decision for your child.
7. When you come into the room, ask if you can sit next to the case manager. The physical arrangement can become very intimidating if the family is on one side of the table and district staff are on the other. Mixing up the seating arrangement and discussing alongside the person who is leading meeting can make for greater comfort and better collaboration.
8. Bring a few pictures of your child to share. It can help people see the whole child that you see, not just the school child. You may have a person at the meeting who has never met your child, and putting the face with the name can help unify the conversation.
9. Before the meeting gets going, ask for everyone to turn the papers over and have a genuine opening discussion. Sometimes it can feel like the paperwork gets in the way of the process. Having a quick opening paperless discussion on how things are going and general thoughts of what people would like to see from this IEP can help people get into a groove of how they can both hear others and be heard.
10. Remember to thank the school team for the things they are doing well. Yes, this road goes both ways and the school does need to celebrate the things your student is doing well. But by showing appreciation for the school team they may be less likely to feel like they are on the defense, and they may be better able to hear your concerns.
11. Do not hesitate to stop and ask for clarification. School staff take part in anywhere from ten to forty IEP meetings a year. You may just go through one. Ask the teacher to pause when you need clarification or to define terminology.
    

    First day of school - student of first grade.
    Photo: Genti Shkullaku / World Bank

12. Do not feel the pressure of signing the IEP. Signing does not mean you agree with everything that has been shared, it just means you participated in the meeting.
13. When the meeting adjourns, the IEP is not written in stone. Take comfort in knowing that you can change your mind down the road. At any point between the end of the meeting and the initiation date on the Prior Written Notice you can contact the case manager about anything that you disagree with or that you have changed your mind on. Beyond that, you do not have to wait until a year later to adjust the IEP.  At any point in time you can request that the team reconvene to discuss potential changes.
14. If you feel that not all of the needed people are there to make an educated decision, request to discontinue the meeting and pick up on another day when the needed voices can be there. For a health related issue, you may need the nurse present. If it is accommodations for P.E. class, you may want the P.E. teacher present.
15. When the meeting starts, ask that someone besides yourself to takes notes. This should be standard practice, however some teams may forget. At the conclusion of the meeting ask for a copy of the notes taken. There is a lot that is shared at an IEP meeting, it can be difficult to actively participate and take notes for yourself on what was discussed.
16. On the way out the door, be sure to thank everyone individually for their passion and their hard work with your child. Working in special education can be exhausting. Letting them know that you notice can go a long way in setting the tone for the year ahead.

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Patrick is the Autism Specialist of the Auburn School District in Washington State. Over his thirteen years as a teacher and consultant, he has grown to have a particular passion for equipping school teams that support students with autism. Patrick enjoys engaging educators through his hybrid of inspirational and instructional speaking.  To learn more, visit his website at www.patrickmulick.com.