Are you a neurotypical parent raising a neurodivergent child? Are you trying to gain insight into your child and how to best support them? Are you looking for some new books to read? Trevor Pacelli, an autistic adult within our community, has written a few books that I want to share with you. I recently purchased on Amazon a couple of Trevor’s books: “Six-Word Lessons on Growing Up Autistic:100 Lessons to Understand How Autistic People See Life” and “The Kindergarten Adventures Of Amazing Grace:What In The World Is Autism?”, which he illustrated and his sister Briana wrote when she was in high school. I then had the opportunity to sit down and speak with Trevor about some of his books and his experience as an autistic.
I read about you having a gift for drawing and photography. How did you get interested in this? Do you find doing these activities therapeutic for you?
When it comes to drawing, I’m not exactly sure where I got my start with that. It’s been with me ever since I could remember. I just always really enjoyed drawing things right from when I was very little. Photography started when I was in high school in my school’s drama club. I wanted to do an officer position. The one that sounded the most appealing to me was the historian, who was basically the group photographer. I ran for that and got it. I bought my first point and shoot camera and immediately loved it.
I do right now find both drawing and photography very therapeutic for me because it’s a way for me to express my imagination and the way I see the world. It gives me a sense of control and power and I always appreciate how others compliment me on how good my drawings or photos are.
You discussed most autistic kids needing time alone. After a long day, my son typically likes to come home, go in his room and watch his iPad for a while. I've noticed this helps him recharge and balance himself out. What are some things you like to do when you need time alone?
Being by myself and watching something on my computer or even something on my tv helps me after being around people for a long time. This is also a tough question for me to answer right now because at this stage of my life, I’m virtually by myself all the time. I’m not married or have kids of my own. It’s me and my roommate. We for the most part keep to our own lives, but we do have a Tuesday night bible study group that we go together.
You mentioned you transitioned from public elementary school to homeschool for two years during middle school. Did you find it easier to learn in a more 1:1/smaller environment? How was the transition back to public high school?
As far as transitioning back into high school full time it was scary for me at first because any kind of change for me is scary, even if it’s a good change. Even just me adopting my dog was a bit of a scary change because it was a huge adjustment for me. As far as my homeschooling experience, I scarcely think back to it because I much prefer being around other students. Being around other students helped the reading material be more impactful for me.
What was it like going off to college and being away from your parents? What strategies or tools did you put into place to help you adjust? Did you receive accommodations or support from Arizona State University?
The moment I had my parents leave me for the first time, it was really scary because I was by myself in a separate state and I had to look after myself, which I hadn’t done before. Really the biggest difficulty for me was being alone so frequently and not having many people to talk to because that first year I was living in a dorm room by myself. What really helped me was joining a church group because that gave me a community and a sense of belonging. Another thing that helped me was that I have so much family living in that area.
For that first year I did have accommodations for my classes and that included taking tests in a room by myself instead of the lecture hall with everyone else. After that first year, I found I didn’t really need the accommodations and my grades did just fine without them.
What could your community do/have done to make things easier for you from your viewpoint?
One thing that comes to mind immediately for me is that there needs to be more done in public schools to educate students on the different types of disabilities out there. When I was growing up there wasn’t anyone who knew much of anything about autism and what it was like. Not even the teachers really knew what it was like. They didn’t know how to talk to me and were hesitant to include me in their activities and the teachers didn’t know how to help me. I say there really needs to be more curriculum that is designated to teaching about various disabilities, not just autism. My book “What Movies Can Teach Us About Disabilities” sort of touches on that.
What advice would you give to autistic adults trying to navigate making friends in school?
What was really most helpful to me was just joining a club that I was interested in. I went to a drama club when I was in high school. That did help get me out there and do more practicing of social skills. I think that when I joined my church group in college, that’s what really helped me most in giving me that sense of community and belonging, especially when I was far away from home. For others like me, if they like drawing, they could join the art club. Or if they like something like Star Wars, join a Star Wars fan club. The biggest take away is just to be yourself. Not everyone will want to be your friend, but at the right time the right friends will accept you and treat you with the respect that you deserve. That’s why you have to aim at not having the most friends or most time with friends and instead focus on finding who your real friends are.
What advice would you give to young autistic individuals trying to accept/embrace their neurodivergence?
Just do what you love. If you ask me, I would say popularity and fame are overrated. It’s okay to do things alone. I do that. I go to the movie theaters by myself now. If there's some big event happening just do it by yourself. Just be you, but still challenge yourself because the more you challenge yourself, the more you’ll be comfortable doing it. It’s like building a callus. Just do it more, more, more. With each time it will get easier.
Just like everyone else, every autistic is unique and has their own set of strengths and struggles. As a parent of an autistic child, I believe it’s important to listen, learn and grow from other autistics and their experiences and the advice they have to offer. In Trevor’s books, he offers his perspective and insights to try and help neurotypicals better understand autism so that we can better support and understand autistics. If you get the opportunity, check out his books on Amazon:
What Movies Can Teach Us About Disabilities: Pacelli, Trevor: 9781933750583: Amazon.com: Books