The challenges of raising a son with autism can be mindboggling. At first, you get the diagnosis, then comes the miracle-luring therapies, IEPs, and loads of out of the box stuff.
Out of the box is definitely where the comedy sometimes comedic-tragedy takes place. Our son not only has autism, is non-verbal, has seizures, showcases aggression from time to time, but it is the OCD that has us all confounded.
We have tried some of his OCD compulsions to be empathic. Some have been doing push-ups anywhere, anytime. This can be frustrating if we are trying to cross the street, but keeping you in shape if you make a resolution to keep up with him. Just when you think you understand the current compulsion, he changes it on you as it has been a month now and he is bored with it.
Hence, another compulsion he has exhibited is knee-walking. My son decides he needs to walk on his knees at school for no apparent reason as I am walking with him. I overhear some kids say, “Geez, can’t they get him a wheel chair?” I should be mad, but think wow, they actually are serious and are worried about him.
Embracing the quirkiness is key to your sanity as you start learning phrases in Turkish and Spanish because that is the language my son prefers to watch his program in on YouTube. I start thinking to myself, well at least he is interested in other languages. I start to wonder what is it that attracts him to these languages since these are not his key receptive language. Quirkiness has its drawbacks as certain thoughts that go through his head like sitting in a baby swing would be a good idea at ten years old. This leads me to an awkwardly funny and tragic situation in the making, which begins with this question.
How many people does it take to get a ten-year kid with autism out of a baby swing because he thought it would be FUN? Well, the border guard couldn't pull him out (we live near the border), so he called two policemen and they couldn't pull him out. His leg is starting to turn blue and swelling. MEANWHILE, my normally silent kid is screaming his head off. YES...it is panic time. The gardener comes out and offered shears of some sort and it cuts through the chains. He is on the ground and they start cutting him out of the swing. Finally, the ambulance comes to check his leg and vitals. After a 45-minute ordeal, he runs back and touches the other baby swing and laughs. We all scream NOOOOOOO! We get in the car and go home. OMG, right?
As my son turned 11, he started to develop more aggressive behaviors and puberty starting kicking in. I have been told that kids with autism tend to develop earlier. I am not sure whether this is true or not, but it certainly was for my kid. Now, he begins to be even more aware of his body and this can present its own problems. Setting boundaries early and not becoming too emotional are key. Kids quickly figure out that if I do this bad behavior, it gets a result. Keeping calm and unemotional when the behavior is grossing you out is really hard to do. Encourage your kid’s strengths, positive interests, and redirect. For the parent, I believe, it takes training and a lot of patience, but things can change and do change.
Change is inevitable. They might not understand what is happening to their bodies. I will close with this example. My son woke me up at 2:30 am last night to put something in my hand. His tooth. I put the tooth on the counter and went back to bed. At 3:00am, he woke my husband up to give him the tooth and a band-aid in an attempt to put it back in. By thinking out of the box, you just may be able to see in his world.
Ashley Dalgliesh
Mom to Cort, an 11-year old with autism
On behalf of Washington Autism Alliance & Advocacy