Happy Father’s Day! Sometimes it can seem like dads get overlooked in the autism community, so to counteract this I decided to read and review three memoirs about autism and fatherhood. All three are written by fathers of an autistic child, and one of the authors is on the autism spectrum himself.
Raising Cubby by John Elder Robison
Robison is a well-known autistic author. He’s written Look Me In the Eye, a memoir about growing up with undiagnosed autism, Be Different: My Adventures with Asperger's and My Advice for Fellow Aspergians, Misfits, Families, and Teachers, in which he mixes anecdotes about his life with advice for those on the spectrum, and Switched On, a memoir about his experiences with experimental transcranial magnetic stimulation to treat his autism. He also has a son on the autism spectrum, Jack, known affectionately as Cubby.
Raising Cubby is a beautiful testament to the bond shared between Robison and his son. The memoir takes us through Robison’s ex-wife’s pregnancy and all the way through Cubby’s trial for creating backyard explosives because of his special interest in chemistry. Throughout most of the time period recalled in this memoir, both father and son had no idea that they were on the autism spectrum. Robison recounts his diagnosis, after which he remained in denial for several years that his son could also be on the autism spectrum. He wanted to believe that his son had inherited his gifts and not his disabilities. By the end of the book, he has come to realize that the gifts and the disabilities are inextricably intertwined. Equal parts love letter to his son and plea for the world’s understanding, I would recommend Raising Cubby to anyone who wants to understand autistic parenting.
Sticks and Stones: A Father’s Journey Into Autism by Hank Smith
Smith is not a well-known author, and his memoir can feel a bit dated. However, it is a valuable description of what autism parents experienced in an era prior to the autism awareness that we have today. Smith had to deal with an insurance company who refused to cover his son’s speech therapy because he was on the autism spectrum, a community that had often never heard of autism before and did not understand, and a medical community that struggled to help him. Smith’s son, Ian, has moderate autism and during the time period covered in the book, frequent violent meltdowns.
Sticks and Stones is a collection of anecdotes in roughly chronological order, documenting Smith’s journey from denial and even resentment to love and appreciation for his son. My one criticism is that the memoir essentially stops when Ian is around 13, despite being published when he was in his early 20s. It would have been interesting to follow Ian’s transition into adulthood and how that impacted the father-son relationship. But perhaps Smith wanted to focus specifically on his journey towards accepting his son’s condition, which is beautifully described. I would recommend Sticks and Stones to anyone curious about the recent history of autism and the journey of acceptance that autism parents must take.
Fournier, a reporter covering national politics, describes his son Tyler’s diagnosis of high-functioning autism when he was in middle school and how he learned to accept his son. Their story is told through a series of anecdotes based on road trips to various presidential libraries, the White House, and encounters with former presidents (Tyler’s special interest is US presidents). Fournier describes how the upper middle class environment that he was raising his children in was intolerant of difference and of anything that could not be deemed successful. Fournier even describes, much to his shame, how his son’s social awkwardness made him feel embarrassed of his own child and Tyler’s repeated attempts to please him. He discusses how he was originally disappointed in being unable to bond with his son through a shared interest in sports, until coming to the realization that his love and support for his son shouldn’t depend on Tyler being a mini-me. Love That Boy is a brutally honest look at the weight of parental and societal expectations faced by autistic kids. It is also a deeply moving description of a father’s journey towards acceptance and pride in his autistic son. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for literature on parenting and autism acceptance.